Hunted to be Hunter

Job interview went on well.. Tomorrow will be discussing the sensitive part... the $$.. lol.. i hope they match my expectations... Pray hard... If everything goes well, i will be a head hunter.. or, in other words... doing "executive search"...

Like many others, i once thought head hunter is jus a recruiter... but then as time goes, i realise that if u ever recd a call from head hunters... haha.. u are damn lucky.. u are gg to have a better life soon....

After the discussion today, i realise that its not jus about recruiting anyone... its talent searching. The job requires to do more that jus a job agency recruiter..

Here's what the CEO said in the Straits Times' Interview:

"Executive search is an exact search, encompassing a careful process whereby recruitment is preceeded by proactive consultation of the cilent for a detailed candidate profile, a thorough research of the industry to identify the candidate, and innovative negotiation between the cilent and candidate once the search is found."

I did a research on the CEO of the head hunting coy that i might be working for in July... and i realise that he has many many awards... er.. chairman of this chairman of that... which includes former President of the MBA Association at the Florida State Uni, former President of the YEO (Young Entrepreneur's Organization...

I think tmr i will be having another round of tiring mind games liao.. lol.. why mind games? They are so so pro in interviewing that whatever they ask may, on the surface sounds very general.. but in actual fact, they are knowing u in detail already...

Today, after my interview, the director asked me if i wanna know how i fare and he told me that he always make it a pt to tell his candidates... and i realise that the qns he asked me earlier.. like... "so before we start the interview, maybe u can let me know what u wanna know about this job?" this simple probe, to him, is to know how sincere the candidate is and whether s/he had done any thinking before coming for the interview..

chim hor??

haha.. i hope if i really get into this job, i can learn all these skills... it will help me greatly in sales probing... i hope this job can move me to a higher level in my career path...

but most importantly, i hope they match my pay.... *cross fingers*

Our Day At Zoo

Some Random Pics to Share....

Tiring Sunday

I cant remember if i post that day that i realise that there are some spiders in my room.. and i got bitten by one on my finger... then i got Alvin to clear off the webs... and according to mom, spiders at home is no good thing... :( means my room very yin... so i thought after alvin clear off, shudnt have any... and my luck is suppose to turn better la..

but who knows.. i realise that luck isnt getting better and it got worse.. jus as i thought what went wrong.. i saw spider when i was on my bed...!! for 3 consecutive nights... so i decided to spring clean my room.... because i was preggy that time, so CNY we didnt spring clean under my bed and stuff... so today, we decided to take out our mattress and clean up...

then using mommy's method, i prayed for blessing in the temple and prayed for blessings in my room... hope everything will be fine after the whole day of spring cleaning... damn tired...

plus yesterday's trip to the zoo with Jenn & family and my niece and nephew.. i am super tired...
i think im getting old.. LOL..

oh ya... got a head hunting coy, called me to interview.. er.. to be a head hunter... lol... honestly, i dunno what kinda salary i shud be expecting and the job scope wor.. i know this job is very different from the job agencies' recruiter... hmm.. a higher level than that la.. lol...

update u guys again tmr when i go for the interview at tg pagar... ;)

Friends

I remember when i was younger, friends were everything... (im sure everyone went thru that stage too..) When i grow up, i start to have priorities, Family, Work Friends... 3 important groups in my life... but if i really gotta list them down... it will be that way...

Recently, i got to know friends.. Friends whom i havent meet and some i have met...

All along, i thought friendship was very simple... for me, i only make friends to whom i trust. If i know i cant trust you enough, then probably u wont hear much from me anymore... I remember got an old shi fu tell me... im a born to be 孤神.. i do not have best friends.. i would be borned in a small family... And true enough, he was right.. single parent family.. friends that i can trust i have.. but friends whom can stay with you for long CLOSELY, rarely. I do have childhood friends but very seldom meet up and chat over the phone... but we still see each other on msn and stuff...

To me, i dun need tons of friends.. i jus need friends whom i can trust, friends that can guide me thru the darkest day, friends that i can share my happiness with...

I meet / know pple with an open heart... If you really wanna get a reason out of knowing pple.. i would say.. i want to find pple whom i can trust and be friends.. People whom im willing to stand by them should they have any probs.. People whom i know i will be there whenever they are in need of someone...

And i believe that only if i be true, then i will find true pple...

However, i gotta learn so so many lessons in these 2 mths... I realise that as one ages, their mindset changes faster than their age... And its ridiculous how they react/behave as a being... To be honest, i was almost spinned into their world.. into their world of mess and harmful motives...

Also, from there i think i lost a person whom i thought would be my friend. Someone whom i thought i could trust.. A little regret, but then... i always tell myself... if they were to trust their faith in me, they would know i am not that sort.

And if that supposed-to-be-friend happen to blog hop and see this... hey, i hope we will have a chance again to know things are not that way... Whatever u might have concluded, whatever you might have heard.. Think again before u decide.

As i blog this down, i feel that im like a primary school kid.. still talking about friends.. HAHAHA... but then... friends are part of our lives... they play a big role... and from these incidents.. i learn to mature my initial defination of having friends.

Its not too late to think of changing your thoughts for friends are pple who can easily influence you in certain ways... believe or not.. even right at this moment, its still that way..

This friend of mine, er.. name him P hao le... P, to what i know.. very good guy, good father, good nature.. but protective towards many things... esp pple he is gg to mix with... u know.. jus like... H1N1 comes, a person will start wear mask, dun go out, stay at home to make sure that s/he wont kena... Same for P.. either he was hurt badly by friends before or perhaps "seen too much".. and because he is wary of everyone arnd him.. what he could do is jus to listen... and perhaps see, if he can, from the same person whom he listened... then he would conclude to stay away or to continue..

Why i say his a gd friend is because... i know he has no ill intentions.. (not like those that u meet and in their mind only one reason why they want to know u).. Someone u know u can trust and know that he can be ur listening ear... U know he can be a good friend la...

Dont get me wrong as u read ah... FRIEND. Like our dear mr francis lim, is also one good friend that i know im thankful i didnt miss out. LOL.. if he were to MIA.. i will also blog this way de.. haha...

For one reason or another... i also dunno... haha.. but senses tells me that the bridge has become a sea... and ya, i do feel a bit ke xi on this la... i wish i can salvage it.. but... i guess its pretty tough to cross over liao...

BUT at least.. i know.. from that community, these are the few that i can at least have a proper conversation with, and not having to wear a mask... i hate wearing mask and talk so chim that words inside have words... i hate to play such mind games with friends. I only do these to pple that im wary of... And P, i hope you wont fall into that list.

AND at least i know now that, there are pple whom i shud draw that THICK line with la.. hahaha... as im typing, i am thinking, prob i dun even need to talk in that community liao.. haha (thats how bad it is...)

Affected me? No. With or without, i am still me... At least i still got good buddies with me ma.. those that are still with me now.. LOL... those are the pple that know me for me... It doesnt matter whether i made friends or not... I just dont wanna have enemies.. so far, only have 1 from my previous coy in mind.. LOL... Im not a person that remembers bad trips... but that trip was a trip to hell...

Anyways... I hope i can get rid of the mess and jus lead back my old sweet life... And P, seeing is beliving.

I always say:
Strangers are jus friends we havent met..
BUT PLEASE, know them well enough to meet them.. Otherwise, it will be a waste of your precious time.

What If, What If

I guess everyone will tend to look back and ask urself.. "what if...."

Me too, esp these few days.. What if this, What if that..
And the more i do that, the more bad i feel...
Every night, i will watch Alvin sleep.. And i feel very heart pain cause im not helping...
I wish i can ease off his burden...

These few days, i have been thinking.. why am i wasting time on some redundant things... on redundant pple...

And i realise that i will be letting go soon... No point making myself irritated seeing at things that i know will ought to see if i go there... The more bad things i see about pple arnd me.. the more i get defensive...

A few days ago... i suddenly feel very useless... I remember i start to have very bad backaches.. and in the past, i would always get ah lao to help me massage... but now.. i dun wanna tire him... his working hard to make ends meet... i just wan him to come home and rest... And i start to think about Julius.. And at one point, i feel like gg to meet him...

I quickly stop myself from thinking and start to do some things that keeps me bz... to be honest, i feel like im controlling my thoughts.. but i know its a problem and it exist in me... i know i need to cure this.. but how? I very worried that the more i contain... the worse it gets.. and soon.. it might explode...

Take time to read.. Help if you can...

http://ourfeistyprincess.blogspot.com/

http://www.ourfeistyprincess.com/

Choose to believe or not, its between a thin fine line

I guess, after today.. it somehow wakes me up.... I remember how i used to be le..
Had a long chat with a friend.. and i suddenly recall how Serene was last year... I was a thinker.. i think detail and deep... I leave space for changes...

After 22 feb 09, i changed so much... my principals, my thoughts totally went towards another direction... Pple used to say im witty, im quick and im detailed... Yeah... i remember now...

Although this friend doesnt know me too well.. neither does he know who i am... but i guess he came into my life for a reason.. Remember i used to say.. everyone come into each other's life for a reason?

Now, i know.. who came into my life for what reasons..
One came in to make me understand that... if its my life, its my life... let him go, and things will not be so bad..
Another came in to let me know my old self... let me remember who i used to be.. reminded me of what i lost.. Gave me the answer to my lost of drive and energy...

I also learnt that... its up to u to decide a person's motive to come into ur life... be it kind or not... if u choose to curious, u have to be able to handle the risk involved... whether its kind or not.. its up to u to define... if u feel that this person just knock on the wrong door, then perhaps this unkind motive will not harm u...

Thanks friend.. i remember what happen to myself...

Some songs to share..

June June June

Looking at my calendar.. this june quite peaceful wor...
haha... guess its time to make some money!!
im gg use the birthday gift tat francis and elaine gave and top up some myself for my netbook! my pc is old liao.. and whenever i use, alvin cannot use... he knows im a full time surfer.. haha!! so with a netbook, i can at least surf whenever i go....

im on a diet plan now... trying to lose all the seh kia fats... haha... and im back to my weekly diy facial too!! gonna maintain myself... not forgetting the hair setter that fang gave me for my birthday!! i simply luff it.. and im getting addicted to it wor....

jia you chen wei wen!!

Shit Happens

When u thought u shud change ur perception and move along with the situation..
U realise that u are being hit back hard..
At least hard enough to know that u shudnt have even changed..

Mind v.s. Heart..
I used to choose mind, then i tried heart.. but then i was wrong..

What a fool.. im the fool afterall...

Grab it when u want it.. I tried la, but i failed... Unclear signals.. i should have known...
Nothing is impossible - i guess they should have a firmer stand what they say this. Hang on then, why give up?

Hmm...

Dunno why, today feel weird weird de..
a lot of thoughts that i havent had for a long time came back today..
Hmm... Perhaps it should be a no.... i shouldnt be thinking about it at all..

Dino is sick...

Down with flu and cough..
Been drowsy for the longest time..

Anyway, spent my whole weekend with Alvin... Friday we went for a fishing trip at Changi waters... (that was when i got the flu...) and sun burn.. hahaha... We ko-ed immediately when we got home.. damn shag...

Then it was a belated birthday celebration with him.. I was sick, but i try to enjoy myself then... :)

Now back at home suffering lor.. haha.. very very drowsy...

Simple Birthday... The Way I Want It Now...

Didnt celebrate much on my birthday... stayed at home the whole day... my FIL actually went to buy a birthday cake for me... and this is the first time he ever bought cake home... Then Esther came over to pass me a birthday gift... Simple things like that warms my heart at this lowest period...

Come to think of it... i have been even tougher times... I recalled, the last time i was jobless for months.. i had to do many things to make ends meet.. i had to learn how to play soccer in order to clear debts... it was so so tough...

Now jobless but i still can live my life in a simple way... not say it isnt tough, but at least... i wont get pple knocking on my door for payments and cry by the streets and think how to survive tomorrow...

Im grateful that my loved ones are giving me a lot of support financially and morally and they are most willing to wait for me to stand up again....

For the time being, i will be doing part time job... thou not a lot of money, but at least i can do the things that i am skilled with and earn a bit here and there... at least, it eases off Alvin's a little bit of burden....

Honestly, im too drained liao... so drained that i know i cannot start a proper job yet... I just hope by the time im ready for a fixed job, my resume wont look too ugly to start with...

Slowly... Slowly i will try to find my way back home...

Although im not used to it, but i know i will slowly find my directions back...

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I miss Julius a lot... If everything went well, he should be coming too full month already... I wont be blogging nonsense thoughts.. I will be so proud of my son, my life... This year, i missed my Mother's Day...

Happy Birthday To MEEE

Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me,
Happy Birthday to Me...

*Make a wish*

*Blow Candle*

Hey.. Direction.. Where r u?

Job - Tough to find
Baby - Tough to have...

那人身的目标啊。。。 你在哪里呢？

EDD: 2nd May 2009

By now, i should be hugging on Julius tight...
Enjoying what mother nature gave all mommies...
Sigh...

My little niece had a dream the other day... im happy and sad... Happy that i know his doing fine... Sad cause i cannot imagine having to see my baby in our dreams and not in reality...

Julius baby, mommy miss u so so much... everyday, every night.. u always have a place in my heart... Bring your siblings to me, and i will love them like the way i love you... Give me a chance to show you how much i wanted to love you...

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Haiz... Its that part of time liao..

Yesterday, MIL told me that my niece tutor (who was preg the same time as me) gave birth liao... My ex colleague's wife also give birth liao... See the star awards, pple pregnant... Im like thinking.... "mine should be out by now..."

I feel that i owe Alvin a lot like tat... As a wife, im suppose to complete the family... but how i wanna get pregnant, also cannot... I keep telling myself... now that i waited for 2 cycles, its better and more ideal to get pregnant as this cycle...

But honestly, i cannot wait...

Well... I decided to put down my thoughts of getting a job... Cause i got no heart to work at this moment.. Say mentally recovered... I havent la... Seriously... I dun wanna work at this moment la.. Wait la, wait for a while more....

Oh, i already thought of my next baby's name.. Chinese name...
If boy boy, then he will be Douglas Loh En Zu (罗恩祖）
If girl girl, then she will be Cassandra Loh En En (罗恩恩)
Girl Girl name, i thought of it long ago... Julius is Luo En Le, and because of the incident, and after shen po's consultation... I want to let my bb know to be thankful to his ancestors...

I hope baby faster come... dun let me wait any longer... i almost canno t tahan liao...

Something That I Feel The Way It Is

I happen to read a post from a forum mommy about her lost of her perfect boy at 20 weeks... Almost the same situation im in... What hit me was the words she quoted.. Its exactly how i felt...
My condolences for her perfect boy..

Here it goes..

What will I say? - by Linda Sawley

I won't say I know how you feel - because I don't.
She've lost parents, grandparents, aunts and uncle, friends. But she've never lost a child. She came close, once. She had a miscarriage, but it's not the same. So how can I say I know how you feel?

I won't say you'll get over it - because you won't.
Life will have to go on. The washing, the ironing, the cooking, the cleaning, the command round. These chores will take your mind off your loved one, but the hurt will still be there. A small corner of your heart will grieve forever. Life carries on, but it will never be quite the same.

I wont say "Never mind, your other children will be a comfort to you - because they may not be.
Many mothers She've talked to say that they easily lose their temper with their remaining children. Some even feel resentful that they're alive and healthy, when the other child is not. Children can be cruel too. They may not understand death.

I won't say "Never mind, you're still young to have another baby" - because that wont help.
A new baby cannot replace the one you've lost. A new baby will fill your hours, keep you busy, and give you sleepness nights. But it will not be the one you've lost. And you mustn't try to pretend it will.

You may hear all these and other platitudes from your friends and relatives. They think they are helping. They don't know what else to say. You will find out who are your true friends at this time. Many will avoid you because they can't face you. They'll cross the road to avoid talking to you. Otherss will make effort to talk to you. They'll talk about the weather, the holidays, the school concert, but never about your child - never about you and how you are coping.

So what will I say?
I will say I'm here. I care. Anytime. Anywhere.
I'll cry with you if need be.
I'll talk about your loved one.
I wont mind how long you grieve.
I won't tell you to pull yourself together.
I'll sit with you during birthday and anniversaries.

No, I don't know how you feel - but with sharing perhaps I will learn a little of what you are going through. And perhaps you will feel comfortable with me, and find your burden has eased.

Slowly, i will learn

Im suppose to be into my 38th week of pregnancy... Or perhaps, i have already delivered Julius safely.. I feel very bad each time i see my father in law doing nothing at home.. he was suppose to take care of Julius for me... and now.. his patience is a waste of effort...

Im trying to be happy, im trying to stand firm.. But at times, i will be shaken...

So much that i hope i will get pregnant soon, but seems like everytime the answer that i get is always "Wait"... After so many obstacles, my dreams have not come true...

After Julius' incident, nothing seems to be right.. I still cant find the job that i like/i want to be in. I seem to be losing self esteem and confidence. Everyone has a time limit to their tolerance and fire in them, and honestly, the fuel in me is running out.. and i will be out very soon...

Deep down inside, i dun care if i go jobless for another year or whether i will be able to earn my own money buying the things that i want or not.. My only aim is to have a baby for the family. Perhaps, this is why, i cant hardly find any drive to keep fighting in sales, in my career.

Everyone has their priorities, mine is different from everyone, for NOW.

Sometimes i wonder, how come everyone is so lucky to have everything they want smoothly.. Every giving birth to a baby, such a normal and smooth matter, i can fail in it.. Is my life really so F up? Everything i do, i have to do times to get it right.. Come on, dun let me try things again.. Cant i just get it right at the very first go?

Now that it has happened, i think another chance should be given to me...

Yes, waiting for something that requires time and opportunity is a waste of my time... But i really have no more room to do other things. Mental torture is killing me.. And the fact that nothing is moving on.. I shall remain here until things gets better.

No, i wont allow any pressure to go within me. I am stress enough... I dun wan peer pressure, self pressure or any kind of pressure. Who dun wan to jus get what they wan like that? Now, i am ready for another chance, so... Can i have it now?

I will hold on to what i want and have faith in it. And thats what i want to do...
I just need some support, not suggestions.
To be honest, everyone that tag me on this blog, is still my supporting pillar. Each time when i know the words i typed on this blog is heard and felt. Im thankful that I have strangers that are friends which i havent met.

Serene - Strong determination and will power, Never say die attitude. Everything can be done, nothing is impossible. A truly taurus that is like a strong bull, who dare to face the music, who never fear to step forward even when everything doesnt seems right.

That is the me, the me that i just buried for 2 months. And now, i just want God to give me another chance to have my baby again.. Another way, to unveil the previous me.

God, you created me to be this person that i was. You gave me plenty of tests in my life to prove worthy of thyself. Maybe Julius was not meant to come to earth at this time, but why did you choose me to shoulder all these sadness? I have a breaking point, im not thee. I know you brought me to life, and wont want me to end of my life now. But do you know, do you know that the tears and hardship that i had suffered can drown the entire world? Why, and why do you have to make me go thru tests and tests, time and time again? What have i not learnt to have after so many times of setback? Perhaps, this lesson has taught me to learn "silence" and "patience"... Silence had made me swallowed my own thoughts, and patience is what i always believe in you. So God, is it time to give me back what you left halfway for me? Can you allow me to be like anyone else who can have their own children? And God, you know that i will never say die, but once i give up, i will really let all go. But my hopes of becoming a mother to my children is so strong that it becomes my life goals. Please let me complete my dreams and let me reveal the motherly side of me. Please God, please dun forget me. Please be quick, im losing myself soon...

I dun like the waiting game

People who knows me knows that i dun like to wait..
if i like, i can afford, i will get them immediately..
Things that i wanna achieve, i will do my best to get it done right away..

But but..

This baby thing.. its not really up to me... Pregnant or not, its up to fate..
At this point of time, the change in my career focus has made the process of getting a job slow and tough. If now, i were to get a sales job, i shud be starting my job anytime...
But i believe i will wanna keep a low profile in my career for the next 2 years, partly due to the economic climate, mainly cause i wanna have a baby.

This road aint easy... Time seems to be running out... I wish i could tell myself to relax and enjoy the breeze since i am not working now. But the impatient me, seems to be out of breath every morning i wake up.

I was thinking, even if i were to demolish the thoughts of project B... and just find a job and lead my life like before.. I know it will get me nowhere... If it werent for baby, i wouldnt have change my plans on my job scope..

Say if i change my plans now, and i get pregnant.. i will regret for the next 1 year for the job that i had picked. So now, i gotta bite the bullet and keep my plans movings and reach my goals soon.

Yeah, im very impatient that is making my mind more messy than anything.
Yeah, only if baby comes, then mommy will start finding my focus back.
Yeah, only if baby comes, then everything will be alright.
现在的我，只欠东风。。

Life Changes, Its Tough

Declined the job offer... wasnt comfortable with the contract terms... now im back to my jobless state... honestly, i am lost... Sales is my forte, but i know when im pregnant... fatigue will fail me... then when i apply for office jobs, no one finds me... haizz... i wanna earn my own money...!!

Been trying for baby, i have no idea when Douglas or Cassandra will come... but i really hope its soon. Finding back my focus is what i want to do now, and having a baby will recover my mental stability... and naturally, focus will come back...

By right, at this time... i should be waiting for Julius' arrival any moment...
By right, i should be celebrating my birthday next mth with him...
By right, i should be celebrating mothers' day next mth...

This month till next will be the toughest and the last hurdle i will have to go thru...
And these months will be the months all the memories flows back again...

I dun see the Serene like before.. I become very distracted in everything i do...

Please, let my find my focus back... Let me have another baby...