What If, What If

I guess everyone will tend to look back and ask urself.. "what if...."

Me too, esp these few days.. What if this, What if that..
And the more i do that, the more bad i feel...
Every night, i will watch Alvin sleep.. And i feel very heart pain cause im not helping...
I wish i can ease off his burden...

These few days, i have been thinking.. why am i wasting time on some redundant things... on redundant pple...

And i realise that i will be letting go soon... No point making myself irritated seeing at things that i know will ought to see if i go there... The more bad things i see about pple arnd me.. the more i get defensive...

A few days ago... i suddenly feel very useless... I remember i start to have very bad backaches.. and in the past, i would always get ah lao to help me massage... but now.. i dun wanna tire him... his working hard to make ends meet... i just wan him to come home and rest... And i start to think about Julius.. And at one point, i feel like gg to meet him...

I quickly stop myself from thinking and start to do some things that keeps me bz... to be honest, i feel like im controlling my thoughts.. but i know its a problem and it exist in me... i know i need to cure this.. but how? I very worried that the more i contain... the worse it gets.. and soon.. it might explode...