Keep my mind away from bad stuff...

i realize there is a change in me... which now makes me avoid meeting pple im not too close with... i tend to stone at something suddenly... meaning.. when i talk to u abt some stuff, i can suddenly stone on the floor or wall and pple might think that i am not interested in what they are talking abt... and to me, i feel that its very rude, but its damn natural... Whats on my mind? Sometimes flashbacks of baby, recalling certain things... Its really not me... i used to chat a lot...

I decided to stop doing sales for the time being... im afraid i will not perform when im pregnant during my probation (if i get a job and successfully conceive).. im opting for a desk bound job... i know its gonna kill me (financially and mentally)... but i pray hard i get some interesting jobs to keep me alive...

6 more days and confinement will be over... i hope i can get a job and conceive... i pray hard..

my maternal instincts are getting stronger and stronger... i thought it will subside, but i realize that after a woman delivers, she changes to become a woman and a motherly figure... changed me to a more matured person too..

honestly, i cant wait to start trying again... but its my first time doing confinement... there are many first times like.. confinement rules, food, body changes and my ?? to when my body is ready to have another baby... but i let nature take its course... and i decided not to stop having babies in future... even if it exceeds our plan/quota, i will still deliver...

the agony of waiting to have one is tiring... and many still plan how many they wanna have... when babies are blessings to us, i will open myself to accept any of them... some may say im foolish, but when gone thru what ive gone thru.. i guess, u will feel the same way for me...

i will be gg thru my first step to quit smoking. i dunno if i can succeed or not, but i wont give up... at least i will cut down my intake also... alvin will be joining me in this cold turkey period too.. i jus want to do my best for my next baby... I even thought of a name of them... Douglas Loh En Yu or Cassandra Loh En En...

Lets pray hard for the arrival of my new comers..