*Confused*

I feel that i very confused, very fan...
Like everything i think of cannot be solved like tat..
Suppose to buy flowers for prayers, but dun have stock..

Got job offer, but sales job.. then have to sign 1 year contract.. if i preg again how?? Everything is ok, except the contract part...

My room is so messy, how i pack also so messy...

Never ending menses... I enjoyed 1 week of menses free, but now menses again.. ok la, this time round is the actual menses cycle la.. suppose to be good la, cause at least my cycle is not haywire...

Wanna cheong for #2 by April.. but this menses come... nabeizz...

Suppose got $$ to save, but now spending on prayers... = bo lui liao... HOW??

My tummy is machiam i 2 mth preg like tat... wear wat clothes also not nice.. HOW?

KYM ask me to think of happy things... but i so worried about Julius... I keep thinking of him, esp when i remember his face in my mind... how to let go lei? Then how come that bloody woman throw that baby at Changi airport ha? She is nabei one... really... pple like me who enjoyed my preg, had a smooth delivery but a dead baby... HOW COME SHE DUN WAN HERS LEI? Somemore she make the baby die... She ought to deserve a good one from god and law!! How come not me who pick up that baby lei? I will adopt him!

See see.. everyday, i see all the pregnant woman, see pretty and beautiful children... i wish i could be like them or have one of them... No longer have something against preggy, but jus jealous only... haha... Then i flip newspaper and see those bloody woman throwing away their baby... How to let go lei? I feel for that baby.. I FELT MINE TOO...

My precious son, abandoned and left somewhere up there... who is taking care of him? is he eating well? Did he like the romper that mommy bought for him which he wore into that blue box? Now raining, anyone make sure his not cold? How come i dun have an answer when its my own baby???

Why wor? Why they take him away from me lei? I want him, I want to take care of him... Im not like that heartless woman who abandoned her son and not even worrying about him... My son is dead, but i worry for him like he was still arnd.. and that bloody woman dun even feel a single shit!

Yes, im keeping everything to myself... so bottled up that i alr dunno where to start my thoughts from... I cannot even carry my own baby...! What is this?

Come to think of it... I thank my maternal mom from giving birth to me and giving me away to my mom... she had the courage to deliver me out regardless of whatever reasons... and gave me away cause she know she cant give me the best... And thank god i was taken care by my mom, otherwise, i wouldnt be that strong...

Sometimes, i really feel like scolding Julius for being so so naughty...
I feel like swearing at the wall... Swear out my dismay...
But who can i blame to lessen my burden? No one.
That is why everything is all bottled up.