The Fear In Me

Wanted to relax and enjoy a good meal with my colleagues yesterday but recd a call from my mom to rush her to the hospital as she's got a blood blister which caused blood to burst from her inner cheeks... Shes alright now... After an x ray and some specialist checking on her... She felt much better...

But to me, this incident has affected me emotionally. In fact, recently, i told Alvin that i need to spend more time with my mom, go home more often and spend time with her. Esp this year, i realise that she no longer have the strength she used to have, no breath to talk for a longer time... I feel that she is getting old - for the first time.

Thinking back, i have never spent time with her... making her feel redundant to adopt a child like me.. or even worse... I do feel bad, but i had my reasons for not being there. Its my ambitious character. But one thing i forgot - I needed time, but time ages my mom too.

That is why im thankful im regretting now than later when shes no longer around.

While i looked at her in the room while waiting for the specialist, what i saw was like a child sitting there feeling lost. Since she is old, there is nothing i can do to pamper her or calm her down. I can just put my hand on hers and be there right beside her. I wanted the best for my mom, have always been like that.

When she sat there waiting for her turn, she narated the scenario to me and i saw tears in her eyes. The fear of bad things falling upon her, and as for me... I had the fear of losing her and the strong goal of not making her lost again. I felt i needed to protect her, secure her. I just want to be her man.

Well, wait till i go back home, i will continue this blog and tell u how i feel and how u would feel too.