U kw its precious but u've no means 2 hold on tight

Have been working like a bull since the beginning of the year... jus cause i wanna do well this month in my sales. I felt that i cannot just work hard, but i have to achieve something... Im adding on stress to myself-i know. But its a natural instinct mould in me since i started working in banks, and i cant seem to loosen myself up anyway... Like the fortune teller say... everything i have to rely on myself... so i guess, i need to stay positive and keep up the determination and jus rely on myself. Thou its tiring to keep on relying on my means.. and i get so tired sometimes that my mind can flash back a person resting on a jogging track catching its breath. But i know i have no intension to stop yet. I will fight on. I can.

Looking at the news today, and found out that our child hood comedian and a low profile but well respected artiste has just left us for no reasons - MC King (Lan Qing Xi)... Last year, we had Chen Jin Lang, and <<881>> having sad songs << Last Breath >> & <<12 Lotus>>... Esp << Last Breath >>, even till now, when i listen to the lyrics, i felt that i was singing how i felt.. (beg the god up above, let me leave peacefully.. asking my parents to take me along, and stay by your side) - honestly speaking, its a waste for talents like them to leave.. They pass on with the passion in their lives, jobs still burning on.. Reading MC's blog, i realise that he was depressed about his low profile and his lack of explosure after being so long in the media.

Nonetheless, i feel his happiness in the jobs he does and the passion to fight on another day. Like what he said... "今的这个社会，事事难料。今天风风光光，明天口袋光光。只要每天努力向上，对得起自己，家人和友人，明天哪怕天塌下来也能即登“极乐世界”吧".. How many times have u encouraged urself this way to feel relieve for that few mins...? I have - plenty. So what if you 对得起自己, 每天努力向上? This working society is cruel.. u cannot deliver what is expected of u... u have to find a place which can keep u alive. Its no longer about working hard or smart... End of the day, its what u can produce.. Bosses appreciate ur hard work and efforts, but who will cover them for your shortfall? I know the facts and theory in my past experience... and i understand clearly.

I lack of luck now, but i have never stop adding hard work and effort. Perhaps, its not my turn yet, but i know i wont stop because of luck. Im just waiting for luck to come and by then, i will be well prepared and ready to recd many orders and hitting targets. End of the day, its not mainly about 对得起自己.. but more like not disappointing people who trust that you can.

Seriously, sometimes i wish i can stop thinking... stop being sad and depress... i tried many ways to sleep at night.. but once i close my eyes, i will keep thinking of the consequences, the fatal results - negative stuff. But strangely, my mood and passion for sales and sale figures never die.. Its the only thing that keeps me going NOW.

I know if my friends read this blog and realise that i might need a listening ear, they would come forward. But honestly, i dont know how to explain what my actual though.. like i said in my last post.. im also trying to find out what i am thinking exactly. Keeping inside is not the best solution, so i will try to blog them down as much as i can... im jus afraid, if i start to sit down and think of a solution to untie the knots in me... i would be lost AGAIN. Like what MC mention.. i think in my life its like 很不得志；风风雨雨，跌跌撞撞，出门遇衰人，找人问无门.. he was talking abt his work, and me.. my path now.

Right now, i jus want to continue walking till i meet "luck" & "god's guidiance"... if i stop walking, i would never see them again. Meanwhile, i continue to work harder, so that once i met "them", i can start reaping what i sowed. As for my sleepless nights, i would blog, work and plan my funnels. I know tables will turn, once i meet my opportunity, i wont lose it again.

To God above who used to be watching over me.. "I'm right here, never left u, still believe that u will remember my existance soon.. I have not given up, pls dun give me up"