Workaholic or Too Stress?

I know this is just the 3rd day of the month.. but look.. the week 1 is almost over... my goodness... im losing my breath... work is stress.. but im motivated to earn as much money i can in the shortest time span. I need to make it happen anyway...

Im really stressed at work but im enjoying it... the only part im hating is that fact that i keep on losing direction and i have to constantly find them and remind myself...

I realise i start to keep quiet nowadays, dun talk much expect work stuff.. althou i talk cock sometimes, but my mind is at my working desk, costing sheet, and my pile of customer records... i love this part.. when i work, i forget everything.. everything like the responsibilities im carrying now, the fatigue me.. and of coz the money no enough thinking...

The hunger for $$ has made me very stress.. the more i feel hungry, the more i stress.. some say its good.. some say its bad... i say... i feel that im isolating myself and bringing only work with me... sad huh? The funny and chirpy me seems to go missing for sometime.. Honestly, i havent been seeing myself laugh wholeheartedly for sometime... i guess ever since i left OC...

when i feel that my good friends are far away frm me, and that i reckon that in my life, there are many things i cannot rely on anyone else but myself.. So i kept everything within me... and now that im feeling lost, all the more i isolate myself to think things properly before i move on...

I was chatting with a friend of mine, and i told him what i have been doing and for once, tell someone that i have been isolating myself and having probs thinking what im thinking... he says that im having depression... :( I guess part of it is right, for some reason, when i realise that booze cant make me tired and sleep.. i start to work even harder and looonnnggeerr... And i cant work non stop like those days in OC... i tell u, im not depress about that part.. in fact, thats the only thing i feel the sense of satisfaction in life...

Right now, i think of nothing except my work. I dont even think about resting except the holiday trip i plan to go once i manage to take a 10k chq frm my hardwork... thinking about the saxophone i wanna get.. playing music that hums my heart... i tell u... that is heaven...

Nah, bgr, conflicts, polictics are not in my list.. no one is bullying me.. and some cases, i brought them upon myself. haha... Adventus is not like those banks i worked in.. over here is very straight forward.. everyone in the office is ok, we never wanted to cross over whoever's boundary... i try to be open to everybody, cause this is the best way to avoid misunderstandings ma...

im more depress with my life.. and now that i start questioning myself.. why would i wanna ruin my life with external factors instead of protecting my life and future right frm the beginning? This mistake, is not just admitting or apologising... it has left me a big scar and a big hole to fill. It takes time... but i need to speed up too...

God, if u can remember my existance... pls do not give up on me.. jus hold me tight and let me know u have not let me go ba... i felt neglected by u...