Empty Hope

Hahaha.. i thought i was pregnant.. when i tested.. 2 lines then become 1 line...
at first i was so happy telling my family... then it turned 1 line...
sigh...

althou auntie havent come and find me for 3 days... but still... im not pinning too much hopes... To be honest, when i found this job as a hunter... im very excited, very energetic to move on and move up...

I even plan to have half yearly holidays with Alvin and short trips with him.. i want to explore different places with him. I even imagined myself not having kids when im old, i prepared myself at least. And im ready to be happy with my husband.

When at first i saw 2 lines, the first thought was my new job. If say i found a simple job, i wont be that worried, the most i work until i cannot handle then i leave. But this hunter job... im enjoying it even before i started it... Every night since i signed the papers, i have been thinking how to start prospecting... how to make that start.

Of coz i was happy for that mere minutes, i was thinking... "finally..."

but...

pple who know me knows that if im devoted to my job, i can give my life to work. because alvin is supporting me and understanding my character... I had no probs juggling with work and marriage... and now that i know i found a job that is something i asked for..
1. office based (jus in case i get preg again)
2. comm/sales (front line and stretch my dollar)

my buddies shud know that i was hoping for the best of both worlds in my new job... but i couldnt seem to find something that i like for the last 6 mths or so... until they called me up...

i feel that god is very fair to me... i suffered the loss of my son, but i salvaged my marriage.
i lost my job and couldnt find one, i was in mental unstability.. and the marriage supported me thruout that down period...

i tell myself that i shall wait, i shant be impatient. even if im suppose to wait for a year, i will jus wait. and as soon as i wan to go find jobs, they called me up. without much effort of searching, i got a job that for now, looks good enough for me. A job that might be able to let me and alvin travel arnd, and explore diff things... A better future for us...

What else do i have to complain?

Even when pple are having 2 or 3 kids, i shant take it to heart, i shudnt be jealous. Cause god has given me a fair share of blessings. Kids for me, perhaps its not time yet, maybe god is finding the perfect child for me. And i tell myself, i shud wait. Jus like how i waited for my job and leave them to god. Im leaving the pick of my children to god, and hope god can find the child for us soon and please dun take him away again.