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Sunday, March 1, 2009
To Me: 可不可以不勇敢
妳用濃濃的鼻音說一點也沒事
反正又美又痛才是愛的本質
一個人旅行 也許更有意思
和他真正結束 才能重新開始
幾年貼心的日子 換分手兩個字
妳卻嚴格只准自己哭一下子
看著妳努力 想微笑的樣子
我的心 像大雨將至 那麼潮濕
我們可不可以不勇敢 當傷太重心太酸無力承擔
就算現在女人很流行釋然 好像什麼困境都知道該怎麼辦
我們可不可以不勇敢 當愛太累夢太亂沒有答案
難道不能坦白的放聲哭喊 要從心底拿走一個人 很痛很難
幾年貼心的日子 換分手兩個字
妳卻嚴格只准自己哭一下子
看著妳努力 想微笑的樣子
我的心 像大雨將至 是那麼潮濕
我們可不可以不勇敢 當傷太重心太酸無力承擔
就算現在女人很流行釋然 好像什麼困境都知道該怎麼辦
我們可不可以不勇敢 當愛太累夢太亂沒有答案
難道不能坦白的放聲哭喊 要從心底拿走一個人 很痛
我們可不可以不勇敢 當傷太重心太酸無力承擔
就算現在女人很流行釋然 好像什麼困境都知道該怎麼辦
我們可不可以不勇敢 當愛太累夢太亂沒有答案
難道不能坦白的放聲哭喊 要從心底拿走一個人 很痛很難
不勇敢
当我不知道明天是否一样美丽。。。
Thruout these 1 week, i have many anonymous friends and many good friends who had never given up on me and had been giving me a lot of encouragements... I really wanna get well soon and not waste all ur hopes... But gotta gimme some time... Some memories, hit so deep within me that its very hard to let go...
Yesterday Alvin msn-ed me when his jus right beside me... he say.. "dear, both of us have to accept that his gone and we have to accept the fact"... i think he also havent accepted the fact, jus like me. Yesterday, he also "accidentally" touch my tummy, jus like how he normally did before he goes to work...
I think both of us are finding ways to forget and let go... but both of us are lost and searching for a way out...
For this one whole week, it seems like everyone like the nurses, doctor, massage lady are helping me to recover fast... but i also feel like.. they are taking away memories from me... Soon, i will have no tummy, i will have no milk, i will lose all the pleasant changes that i had during my pregnancy... And each time it recovers, i will feel something is taken away from me...
Then when will i have something in return?
When can i start to take after all the giving?
To all my forum friends, my buddies, and people that i do not know, but lend me a helping hand to brace up again... (Scroll up, and pause the bear bear's songs)
Yesterday Alvin msn-ed me when his jus right beside me... he say.. "dear, both of us have to accept that his gone and we have to accept the fact"... i think he also havent accepted the fact, jus like me. Yesterday, he also "accidentally" touch my tummy, jus like how he normally did before he goes to work...
I think both of us are finding ways to forget and let go... but both of us are lost and searching for a way out...
For this one whole week, it seems like everyone like the nurses, doctor, massage lady are helping me to recover fast... but i also feel like.. they are taking away memories from me... Soon, i will have no tummy, i will have no milk, i will lose all the pleasant changes that i had during my pregnancy... And each time it recovers, i will feel something is taken away from me...
Then when will i have something in return?
When can i start to take after all the giving?
To all my forum friends, my buddies, and people that i do not know, but lend me a helping hand to brace up again... (Scroll up, and pause the bear bear's songs)
Saturday, February 28, 2009
I Cant Seem To Control
So many days liao, im still very affected by everything that has happened... i told myself that i need to move on, but somehow i still cant...
Today, i went to many places, and i realise that i still love children a lot.. but the moment i see preggies and mommies, i tend to get very emotional... And when pple look at my tummy, i feel very offended...
Im worried for myself... i wish i could cry out loud, but i got no chance to... i jus wanna stay happy, but somehow, i cant find myself back. I cant find the Serene that is always talking back and happy... The me now is so different...
Whats life gonna be after my confinement?
I caught in the middle somehow.... I wish i can talk to someone that will guide me...
Everyday i miss baby... I miss him in my tummy, i miss his kicks... Why this naughty boy gotta go?
Yesterday went Dr Ang's clinic... Everything was ok.. but seeing all the preggies and babies...... I was like one of them... I wish i could get pregnant again... I want my baby back, can?
Today, i went to many places, and i realise that i still love children a lot.. but the moment i see preggies and mommies, i tend to get very emotional... And when pple look at my tummy, i feel very offended...
Im worried for myself... i wish i could cry out loud, but i got no chance to... i jus wanna stay happy, but somehow, i cant find myself back. I cant find the Serene that is always talking back and happy... The me now is so different...
Whats life gonna be after my confinement?
I caught in the middle somehow.... I wish i can talk to someone that will guide me...
Everyday i miss baby... I miss him in my tummy, i miss his kicks... Why this naughty boy gotta go?
Yesterday went Dr Ang's clinic... Everything was ok.. but seeing all the preggies and babies...... I was like one of them... I wish i could get pregnant again... I want my baby back, can?
Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Rainbow After The Rain?
Just as i read fang's blog, this was wat i saw in the sky...
Wondering if Julius' wants us to feel the same way too...
For our love and lost..
Wondering if Julius' wants us to feel the same way too...
For our love and lost..
(The box they left you in...)
God took you away from us...
But they cant take away the happiness you once brought to us...
That is the best gift we ever had in our lives..
That was the reason why mommy & daddy wanted to name you 恩乐..
We wanted you to grow up & learn to appreciate your blessings & happiness..
This name is solely for you and we will keep you always in our hearts...
Im Trying To Let Go...
3 days has past... but my heart is also gone for 3 days... I tried to portray a very happy-go-lucky me to everyone... but deep down inside, i havent stop weeping...
Placing Julius' 3D picture in front of me, i keep asking Alvin if baby looks like the picture.. and i try to imagine how helpless my child is... I know i wont give up having another one, but i also carry fears with me...
A twisted cord is something that i cannot prevent or control... It can happen in 5 mins, which i wouldnt know...
Everyone keep telling me that as long as im ok, as long as im healthy... i know. But carrying a breathless child for a good 3 days, and delivering him the natural way, and now having the gift of mother nature - breast milk... It's tough to accept. Everything is the same... except there is no baby with me.
Stitches are painful, but nothing is more painful than the open wound inside me now... Whenever im alone, i will stare blindly into the air and start to miss my baby... I dunno how long i need to stand up again. I had a lot of setbacks in my life, but this is a battle between me and myself. Someone reminded me that the confidence i have to recover may led me to other wrong directions... and i know that too...
Right now, im trying to find a place to bury the memories and move on... I want to let all these rest in peace... But how long? How much more?
Im tired of smiling at everyone when im damn sad inside... That is why i always choose to avoid seeing people... cause wearing a mask yet crying behind is very torturing.
I need to take a break with Alvin, jus the 2 of us. I want to leave the sad things behind and just take a deep breath outside..
Placing Julius' 3D picture in front of me, i keep asking Alvin if baby looks like the picture.. and i try to imagine how helpless my child is... I know i wont give up having another one, but i also carry fears with me...
A twisted cord is something that i cannot prevent or control... It can happen in 5 mins, which i wouldnt know...
Everyone keep telling me that as long as im ok, as long as im healthy... i know. But carrying a breathless child for a good 3 days, and delivering him the natural way, and now having the gift of mother nature - breast milk... It's tough to accept. Everything is the same... except there is no baby with me.
Stitches are painful, but nothing is more painful than the open wound inside me now... Whenever im alone, i will stare blindly into the air and start to miss my baby... I dunno how long i need to stand up again. I had a lot of setbacks in my life, but this is a battle between me and myself. Someone reminded me that the confidence i have to recover may led me to other wrong directions... and i know that too...
Right now, im trying to find a place to bury the memories and move on... I want to let all these rest in peace... But how long? How much more?
Im tired of smiling at everyone when im damn sad inside... That is why i always choose to avoid seeing people... cause wearing a mask yet crying behind is very torturing.
I need to take a break with Alvin, jus the 2 of us. I want to leave the sad things behind and just take a deep breath outside..
Monday, February 23, 2009
Why?
I came back to Batok cause my neighbour's baby keep crying next door...
I cant help but to think of my baby...
Alvin's not with me.. And when i rub my tummy, i realise bb's not with me too...
I left the hospital feeling very empty... cause i left my bb there...
I cried and cried blaming myself...
Why didnt my baby cry?
Why cant i bring my baby home?
Why did he look so well but yet his gotta leave mommy?
I know i will get preg again, but every child you bear is different.
Julius is special.
What am i going to do with his clothes?
Who can i wear them on?
I really wanna see and touch him....
I cant help but thoughts of feeding baby or nursing baby keeps coming into my mind...
I cant help but to wake up whenever i hear baby's cries...
When i have all the mother's natural instincts, but how come my baby is not around?
I miss my baby.
I cant help but to think of my baby...
Alvin's not with me.. And when i rub my tummy, i realise bb's not with me too...
I left the hospital feeling very empty... cause i left my bb there...
I cried and cried blaming myself...
Why didnt my baby cry?
Why cant i bring my baby home?
Why did he look so well but yet his gotta leave mommy?
I know i will get preg again, but every child you bear is different.
Julius is special.
What am i going to do with his clothes?
Who can i wear them on?
I really wanna see and touch him....
I cant help but thoughts of feeding baby or nursing baby keeps coming into my mind...
I cant help but to wake up whenever i hear baby's cries...
When i have all the mother's natural instincts, but how come my baby is not around?
I miss my baby.
Arrival of Bb Julius
20 Feb 09 (11 pm)
Francis fetch me and Alvin to TMC. I was admitted and met Dr Ang... He accessed me and told me that i was only 1cm dilated. He then accessed me again to put in a tablet for me to help to speed up my dilation. Its was more painful than contractions! But for the sake of delivering bb out smoothly, i had to bear with it...
Contractions starts to kick in, but dilation was poor...
21 Feb 09 (2 am)
I requested for the pain killer to be injected cause i was having cramps, dilation pain and LS (side effects of the Cyotec) Felt very drowsy, and slept till 6am..
21 Feb 09 (8am)
Dr Ang came again.. Accessed me and inserted the pill again... Its getting more and more pain because he will check my cervix and he will use his fingers on me... He kept apologising, but i know its not his fault.
Took the pain killer again at 11am and he came to access at 2pm and 4pm... I was in great pain but the pain killer helped a lot...
21 Feb 09 (6am)
A lot of pple came thru out... But i really got no strength to talk to them.. but i have to push on... I tell myself i cannot cry, cannot sad...
My mom came too... Then i accompanied her to take a cab.. And Paul & Alvin were with me watching TV while i tolerate the contractions. At 7pm, i asked for my pain killer. When the nurse came, and i had to flip for her to inject on my buttock, my water bag burst. I flood the bed and i had to go toilet to check if it was water or blood... I confirm it was water.. and i lay on the bed, flooding the bed... I was all wet.. But the pain killer helped me a lot until 11pm.
21 Feb 09 (11 pm)
I request to go for delivery... The nurse accessed me there and told me that i was 5cm dilated only... I was taught to use laughing gas... The pain was getting worse... Then i called for nurse, and she told me i was 7cm dilated. Shortly, i told her that i cannot take it and she asked me to try push and called Dr Ang when i was 8cm dilated.
Julius was breeched, so buttocks was seen when i pushed... thru out, no painkillers.. i only remember i jus pushed the moment i saw Dr Ang at 1230+am...
I remember that i felt legs, and hands and last the head... I requested not to see baby.. So Alvin saw the whole process... Julius was carried away while Dr Ang told me to use laughing gas cause he gotta put his whole hand in to take out my placenta plus, the umblical cord was detached in the process...
I know i was on "trance" when i inhaled too much gas.. but thank god for that.. i didnt feel that worse part of the delivery (taking out the placenta).
Baby Julius was delivered on 22 Feb 2009 at 0058 hrs.
He was 30 weeks weighing 1.2kg.
Length: 30cm
Head Circumference: 29 cm
The reasons for his departure: Unknown. But suspect that the umbilical cord twisted due to his movements.
Alvin said his got long hands and legs, a lot of hair, smiling eyes. His nose and eyes looked like me. And he was smiling when he was sound asleep in God's hands.
Nurses help us put on the clothes we brought for him and packed him into a box.
And i left to the room without my baby.
Francis fetch me and Alvin to TMC. I was admitted and met Dr Ang... He accessed me and told me that i was only 1cm dilated. He then accessed me again to put in a tablet for me to help to speed up my dilation. Its was more painful than contractions! But for the sake of delivering bb out smoothly, i had to bear with it...
Contractions starts to kick in, but dilation was poor...
21 Feb 09 (2 am)
I requested for the pain killer to be injected cause i was having cramps, dilation pain and LS (side effects of the Cyotec) Felt very drowsy, and slept till 6am..
21 Feb 09 (8am)
Dr Ang came again.. Accessed me and inserted the pill again... Its getting more and more pain because he will check my cervix and he will use his fingers on me... He kept apologising, but i know its not his fault.
Took the pain killer again at 11am and he came to access at 2pm and 4pm... I was in great pain but the pain killer helped a lot...
21 Feb 09 (6am)
A lot of pple came thru out... But i really got no strength to talk to them.. but i have to push on... I tell myself i cannot cry, cannot sad...
My mom came too... Then i accompanied her to take a cab.. And Paul & Alvin were with me watching TV while i tolerate the contractions. At 7pm, i asked for my pain killer. When the nurse came, and i had to flip for her to inject on my buttock, my water bag burst. I flood the bed and i had to go toilet to check if it was water or blood... I confirm it was water.. and i lay on the bed, flooding the bed... I was all wet.. But the pain killer helped me a lot until 11pm.
21 Feb 09 (11 pm)
I request to go for delivery... The nurse accessed me there and told me that i was 5cm dilated only... I was taught to use laughing gas... The pain was getting worse... Then i called for nurse, and she told me i was 7cm dilated. Shortly, i told her that i cannot take it and she asked me to try push and called Dr Ang when i was 8cm dilated.
Julius was breeched, so buttocks was seen when i pushed... thru out, no painkillers.. i only remember i jus pushed the moment i saw Dr Ang at 1230+am...
I remember that i felt legs, and hands and last the head... I requested not to see baby.. So Alvin saw the whole process... Julius was carried away while Dr Ang told me to use laughing gas cause he gotta put his whole hand in to take out my placenta plus, the umblical cord was detached in the process...
I know i was on "trance" when i inhaled too much gas.. but thank god for that.. i didnt feel that worse part of the delivery (taking out the placenta).
Baby Julius was delivered on 22 Feb 2009 at 0058 hrs.
He was 30 weeks weighing 1.2kg.
Length: 30cm
Head Circumference: 29 cm
The reasons for his departure: Unknown. But suspect that the umbilical cord twisted due to his movements.
Alvin said his got long hands and legs, a lot of hair, smiling eyes. His nose and eyes looked like me. And he was smiling when he was sound asleep in God's hands.
Nurses help us put on the clothes we brought for him and packed him into a box.
And i left to the room without my baby.
Friday, February 20, 2009
It's Painful but I need to be brave...
Preparing for my second dosage at 2pm... jus took bread..
When i took my first dosage at 9am, i didnt take in food... so i shivered for a good 15 mins...
Honestly, im scared to take the 2nd time, cause its very suffering for me...
Jus now, i shiver and shiver... then i tell baby.. "bb, i know u r in pain, mommy will protect u de.."
Then the shiver stop...
I hadnt been sleeping... cause when i lie down, tummy is cramp... i can feel water leaking slowly and pulling effect down there... I think i will start to make my way down about 3pm ba...
Last night, Alvin packed a set of clothes, booties and mittens for Julius... And this set was suppose to be the set to be worn when im "suppose" to bring him back during my confinement... Since im not gg to take a last look at him, at least he wont be cold on the way up to heaven...
I actually very scared... but i cannot let my bb feel it also... From tomorrow onwards, there will be no baby in my tummy... No one i can talk to and play with...
When i took my first dosage at 9am, i didnt take in food... so i shivered for a good 15 mins...
Honestly, im scared to take the 2nd time, cause its very suffering for me...
Jus now, i shiver and shiver... then i tell baby.. "bb, i know u r in pain, mommy will protect u de.."
Then the shiver stop...
I hadnt been sleeping... cause when i lie down, tummy is cramp... i can feel water leaking slowly and pulling effect down there... I think i will start to make my way down about 3pm ba...
Last night, Alvin packed a set of clothes, booties and mittens for Julius... And this set was suppose to be the set to be worn when im "suppose" to bring him back during my confinement... Since im not gg to take a last look at him, at least he wont be cold on the way up to heaven...
I actually very scared... but i cannot let my bb feel it also... From tomorrow onwards, there will be no baby in my tummy... No one i can talk to and play with...
The Darkest Moment In My Life
It's now 6am, i decided to pen down my thoughts...
Its been 3 days, Baby Julius has failed to wake mommy up as usual in the morning. I regret to inform all people that my baby has left us on 18 Feb 2009. He made his last movement at about 2pm.
Walking into the clinic yesterday, seeing every mommy the same as me - carrying their hopes with them. During these past 7 mths, i enjoyed every moment bonding with my baby. His movements, thou painful at times, made me feel happy and at ease...
Just few days ago, i was preparing for his baby things... thou not the best for him, but i thought its the least i could do for baby... Now, looking at the bags of nursing things... i miss him very much.
Dr Ang declared that theres no heart beat when i told him that Julius wasnt moving for the past 1 day. Reason - Unknown. Unless i do some checks on the baby, which i dun wanna torture him further, i decided to let it be.
Im thankful that thruout the later hours without my love, i had friends who were there to support me, encourage me and joined me with the last meal with Julius. And Alvin who was there to make sure that i dun give up on my life. He woke up in the middle of the nights to check on me, making sure he follow me wherever i go.
I had to put on the strongest front to make sure i dun fall. Every hour, whenever i see my tummy, it is gg smaller and smaller. Im so afraid to hurt the fragile body in my tummy that i dun even dare to sleep. Im afraid that my turns and my sleeping position will hurt my baby who cant even "struggle" like before when mommy lay on him...
Each moment i step back into my room, tears jus rolled down asking why its me to lose the baby.. why god has to take him away from me... why do i have to destroy everyone's hopes and dreams to see my baby...
Every mommy gets a chance to deliver their love, but i cant bring home my baby today.... I dont dare to face my baby, im afraid, i cannot accept and break down. Im afraid the scenes of today will flash back to me again, every night....
Even looking at prams and children on the streets will make me feel so so bad. I hadnt been absorbing what i ate ever since. My body is rejecting what i ate or drink. I feel so weak.
To all my friends: Thanks for ur encouragements, supports and love showered on me, Julius and Alvin. His departure is very painful to us.. but we know we have to be strong.. After my delivery today, i will be doing my confinement. And this one mth, i will try my very best to recover from everything. I know its impossible, but i will try. Please contact me only after March, give me some time to adjust and re organise my thoughts.
===================================================================
To Julius, My Baby...
I'm very sorry that mommy had to announce your departure the moment i bring u to earth. Spending the last 7 mths with you, was the happiest days mommy's life. Thou you are naughty, never fail to wake me up punctually in the morning, sometimes making mommy bloat everywhere.. Baby, mommy always thought for you, all these are worth it...
I'm sorry mommy cant bring you to family outings, enroll you to the best schools, see you grow and nurture you. Mommy cant show you how much we love you and how much you meant to us. For sure baby, you changed my life...
I was waiting for you to come into my dreams when i saw the white moth on the fish tank. Memories of me rubbing my tummy, and letting you know the fishes in the tanks flashed back and it feel like 2 days ago...
When i wear my pants and making sure that the band doesnt go across my tummy cause you will show your dismay still remains... Now that you are still in my tummy, baby... mommy miss you... can u pls kick me?
I'm sorry to eat the medicine at 9am onwards.. Cause it will be the first step i take to lose you for good.
Sorry for not being a good mommy, i failed to protect you.
Mommy love u always... I'm very sorry my love.
Its been 3 days, Baby Julius has failed to wake mommy up as usual in the morning. I regret to inform all people that my baby has left us on 18 Feb 2009. He made his last movement at about 2pm.
Walking into the clinic yesterday, seeing every mommy the same as me - carrying their hopes with them. During these past 7 mths, i enjoyed every moment bonding with my baby. His movements, thou painful at times, made me feel happy and at ease...
Just few days ago, i was preparing for his baby things... thou not the best for him, but i thought its the least i could do for baby... Now, looking at the bags of nursing things... i miss him very much.
Dr Ang declared that theres no heart beat when i told him that Julius wasnt moving for the past 1 day. Reason - Unknown. Unless i do some checks on the baby, which i dun wanna torture him further, i decided to let it be.
Im thankful that thruout the later hours without my love, i had friends who were there to support me, encourage me and joined me with the last meal with Julius. And Alvin who was there to make sure that i dun give up on my life. He woke up in the middle of the nights to check on me, making sure he follow me wherever i go.
I had to put on the strongest front to make sure i dun fall. Every hour, whenever i see my tummy, it is gg smaller and smaller. Im so afraid to hurt the fragile body in my tummy that i dun even dare to sleep. Im afraid that my turns and my sleeping position will hurt my baby who cant even "struggle" like before when mommy lay on him...
Each moment i step back into my room, tears jus rolled down asking why its me to lose the baby.. why god has to take him away from me... why do i have to destroy everyone's hopes and dreams to see my baby...
Every mommy gets a chance to deliver their love, but i cant bring home my baby today.... I dont dare to face my baby, im afraid, i cannot accept and break down. Im afraid the scenes of today will flash back to me again, every night....
Even looking at prams and children on the streets will make me feel so so bad. I hadnt been absorbing what i ate ever since. My body is rejecting what i ate or drink. I feel so weak.
To all my friends: Thanks for ur encouragements, supports and love showered on me, Julius and Alvin. His departure is very painful to us.. but we know we have to be strong.. After my delivery today, i will be doing my confinement. And this one mth, i will try my very best to recover from everything. I know its impossible, but i will try. Please contact me only after March, give me some time to adjust and re organise my thoughts.
===================================================================
To Julius, My Baby...
I'm very sorry that mommy had to announce your departure the moment i bring u to earth. Spending the last 7 mths with you, was the happiest days mommy's life. Thou you are naughty, never fail to wake me up punctually in the morning, sometimes making mommy bloat everywhere.. Baby, mommy always thought for you, all these are worth it...
I'm sorry mommy cant bring you to family outings, enroll you to the best schools, see you grow and nurture you. Mommy cant show you how much we love you and how much you meant to us. For sure baby, you changed my life...
I was waiting for you to come into my dreams when i saw the white moth on the fish tank. Memories of me rubbing my tummy, and letting you know the fishes in the tanks flashed back and it feel like 2 days ago...
When i wear my pants and making sure that the band doesnt go across my tummy cause you will show your dismay still remains... Now that you are still in my tummy, baby... mommy miss you... can u pls kick me?
I'm sorry to eat the medicine at 9am onwards.. Cause it will be the first step i take to lose you for good.
Sorry for not being a good mommy, i failed to protect you.
Mommy love u always... I'm very sorry my love.
Friday, February 13, 2009
Ang Kong Kia!!
Today finally got the 3d scan...
Half asleep eyes...
Waving hello...
High forehead...
Kuai Lan Face...
Introducing... Weighing 1kg!! Julius!!
(The black thing on his forehead is my belly button...)
Half asleep eyes...
Waving hello...
High forehead...
Kuai Lan Face...
Introducing... Weighing 1kg!! Julius!!
(The black thing on his forehead is my belly button...)
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Bored Bored Bored
Julius' getting bigger and bigger.. and i think his running out of space in my tummy... Planning to go check up earlier than what was scheduled.. cause my check ups is normally 2nd week of the mth.. suddenly 3rd week, i dun feel at ease...
As usual, im very sian.. stonning at home.. but good news is, MIL jus started her new job 2 days ago! YAY~~ At least i dun feel so confined at home liao...
Heng got ido forum.. if not i sure more boring de...
Something wrong with my HP... sometimes cannot recd sms, sometimes no caller ID.. haizz.. need to waste $$ again...??
It's V Day this sat! but i dun celebrate de.. haha... next week i need to meet mom to go bank change name, meet gwen go walk walk, meet elaine go orchard... and prepare for special mission.. haha.... yay!!
Finally the day is almost ending.. one more day to go.. then Alvin off day! We are gg out to walk walk also... :) so happy... can go out liao...
As usual, im very sian.. stonning at home.. but good news is, MIL jus started her new job 2 days ago! YAY~~ At least i dun feel so confined at home liao...
Heng got ido forum.. if not i sure more boring de...
Something wrong with my HP... sometimes cannot recd sms, sometimes no caller ID.. haizz.. need to waste $$ again...??
It's V Day this sat! but i dun celebrate de.. haha... next week i need to meet mom to go bank change name, meet gwen go walk walk, meet elaine go orchard... and prepare for special mission.. haha.... yay!!
Finally the day is almost ending.. one more day to go.. then Alvin off day! We are gg out to walk walk also... :) so happy... can go out liao...
Sunday, February 8, 2009
谁使老鼠屎？？
haha... just had a quick conversation with fang after so trying to talk to her for so many times... haha... i realise that even before i left ocbc, i always had a prob with her... -- calling her at the wrong time... its never intentional... but whenever she has the "er.. er..." voice, i know she confirm not free.. haha.. and since im jus wanna talk cock with her, i will tell her to do her things.. cause.. she dun like pple to talk cock when shes bz... haha.... (duh...)
and since the tagboard cant tag long long msgs........
To Fangzz: Haiya, dun need thank me la... we both have the same design of mothers... (haha).. i jus sharing my experiences with u... haha... hope ur wedding will be a success... wedding is not 2 pple biz... its the whole family biz... so always go back door esp when u talk to her... haha... lets meet up between 17th - 20th ba.. i gotta go temple pray before hk also.
I also have to thank u for offering ur 1st time to me... HAHA.. first time ballot la... i will only get to know the outcome on 1st april... i let u know ok?
enjoy ur planning ah... if u need ideas, let me know... hee..
and since the tagboard cant tag long long msgs........
To Fangzz: Haiya, dun need thank me la... we both have the same design of mothers... (haha).. i jus sharing my experiences with u... haha... hope ur wedding will be a success... wedding is not 2 pple biz... its the whole family biz... so always go back door esp when u talk to her... haha... lets meet up between 17th - 20th ba.. i gotta go temple pray before hk also.
I also have to thank u for offering ur 1st time to me... HAHA.. first time ballot la... i will only get to know the outcome on 1st april... i let u know ok?
enjoy ur planning ah... if u need ideas, let me know... hee..
Saturday, February 7, 2009
Mommy Went Swimming!!
Thanks to Elaine, managed to go to her place with my SIL and her 2 kids, Alvin and myself for a swim! wa... damn light... i realise that my tummy is damn big now... haha...
jus 2 nights ago, i had a big cramp... first i felt that baby julius was turning and i really mean turning from one position to another... then tummy tightening... then cramps till i cannot stand straight... i tot i was gg to deliver liao.. hahaha... end up i puke twice... its the first time i encounter puking food out during preg!
according to one of the forum pple, they say its called Braxton Hicks (a false alarm to prepare ur body for the actual thing)... i couldnt sleep well thru the night... more to come i believe... esp now im in my 3rd trimester (7 mths)...
Which means... in 2 mths time... Bb Julius will be here to say hello to all aunties and uncles! haha... and i will start to be an auntie liao...
Oh ya, we visited the "chalet" opposite my house.. i decided to make that the place for the bb shower.. it cost me only $85 per night! and we went to recki, that place is not bad wor!
I pray hard also that my comm will be in this fri/sat...
Cant wait to see julius on 16th! yay!!
jus 2 nights ago, i had a big cramp... first i felt that baby julius was turning and i really mean turning from one position to another... then tummy tightening... then cramps till i cannot stand straight... i tot i was gg to deliver liao.. hahaha... end up i puke twice... its the first time i encounter puking food out during preg!
according to one of the forum pple, they say its called Braxton Hicks (a false alarm to prepare ur body for the actual thing)... i couldnt sleep well thru the night... more to come i believe... esp now im in my 3rd trimester (7 mths)...
Which means... in 2 mths time... Bb Julius will be here to say hello to all aunties and uncles! haha... and i will start to be an auntie liao...
Oh ya, we visited the "chalet" opposite my house.. i decided to make that the place for the bb shower.. it cost me only $85 per night! and we went to recki, that place is not bad wor!
I pray hard also that my comm will be in this fri/sat...
Cant wait to see julius on 16th! yay!!
Tuesday, February 3, 2009
Pregnancy makes me think deeper...
Have been thinking a lot abt life as a mom, my child's supporter and increasing roles... then i realise that all mommies are the greatest... im surveying a few banks for my julius cause i plan to start a education savings for him.. i hope he can make use of the money and study more..
because i used to worry so much about money when i was younger, thats why i dun wan my child to worry about it... i mean, money issues when it comes to "needs" not "wants"... i may not be able to provide him the best computer, best psp, best mobile phone.. but all the rest like food, studies, clothes, i will provide him what is best for him.
Thinking back, i laughed at my life... When i was younger, i slog for more pocket money, then i slog at work for better career. Shortly i got married, and i slog to make our lives better.. After baby, i slog for baby's everything...
Im losing all the strength that i used to have before i was preg. And i pray hard that after delivery, i will regain back all my strength and make sure i take whatever my mom cooks during confinement to recharge all these energy back.
Cause i gotta look for a job, and start to save $ and also to have a happy life.
Bb's name will be 恩乐...
because i want him to appreciate whatever happy things that comes to him... appreciate happiness... I always take a long time to "climb" out of worries and never learn to stay a little longer to appreciate the happy and peaceful moments... i want my boy to know that it was never easy bringing him into this world.
And of coz, from here... i learn to love my mom more. her "investments" on me is more than what i had "repaid" her... thinking back on the things i've done to her... i start to ask myself if my mom ever regret adopting me... would her life be even better without me in the first place?
i cant wait to make more out of my life after delivery.. for baby, for mom, for our lives together.
because i used to worry so much about money when i was younger, thats why i dun wan my child to worry about it... i mean, money issues when it comes to "needs" not "wants"... i may not be able to provide him the best computer, best psp, best mobile phone.. but all the rest like food, studies, clothes, i will provide him what is best for him.
Thinking back, i laughed at my life... When i was younger, i slog for more pocket money, then i slog at work for better career. Shortly i got married, and i slog to make our lives better.. After baby, i slog for baby's everything...
Im losing all the strength that i used to have before i was preg. And i pray hard that after delivery, i will regain back all my strength and make sure i take whatever my mom cooks during confinement to recharge all these energy back.
Cause i gotta look for a job, and start to save $ and also to have a happy life.
Bb's name will be 恩乐...
because i want him to appreciate whatever happy things that comes to him... appreciate happiness... I always take a long time to "climb" out of worries and never learn to stay a little longer to appreciate the happy and peaceful moments... i want my boy to know that it was never easy bringing him into this world.
And of coz, from here... i learn to love my mom more. her "investments" on me is more than what i had "repaid" her... thinking back on the things i've done to her... i start to ask myself if my mom ever regret adopting me... would her life be even better without me in the first place?
i cant wait to make more out of my life after delivery.. for baby, for mom, for our lives together.
Friday, January 30, 2009
Gong Xi Gong Xi
This year, we try to siam as many visiting as much as possible... keep our damages to the most minimum... haha... and some how, we were able to do it smoothly.... but CNY is damn tiring this year... i can feel the difference with and without julius bb... but the thought of having to make bb sleep next year CNY, makes me worried... haha...
CNY Eve: Went mom house early cause damn tulan with my MIL... cried and cried until i go home.. then help my mom sweep and mop floor and clean cupboard... then wait for Alvin to come and eat reunion... faster head home to rest cause gotta reach mom hse again to help cook...
CNY Day 1: Reach mom place about 7+ and start cooking from 8+ to 11+am... damn shag.... this year still not so bad cause lesser pple come cause 2 families cant come cause their family member passed away recently.. but in total got about 20 pple that came for lunch... suppose to go grandma hse, but i too tired liao, so proceed straight to Alvin uncle plc...
This year, so quiet... i cant even sit long for the poker games... end up i fell asleep on that chair!! haha.. first time i sleep at pple's hse chair.. haha... first thing i woke up, i walk straight to the kitchen to find food.. haha...
Then to Elaine house to play MJ with francis...
CNY Day 2: Slept thru out the day... yawn... then went grandma hse at about 4+pm.. heng no kids there... so my damage cut by a lot! haha... then went to J8 thinking of watching Red Cliff 2.. but left first row seats.. so we had our dinner and head straight to west mall.. no Red Cliff liao.. so watch wedding game... then go home KO-ed
CNY Day 3: Elaine house at 1+ for MJ... haha... WON! but only enough to cover back what i lost on Day 1 :( then just nua-ed for the rest of the day... damn shag...
CNY Day 4: Elaine suddenly jio MJ, Alvin hand also itchy.. so i went over.. i never play much cause i share leg with him.. Almost break even la... but i was damn worn out liao... went home and KO-ed immediately... My stamina getting worse..
CNY Day 5: Met Jill + Bb Ally + Nat at west mall.. pri + sec sch classmate gathering.. for a while, then go home.. took a nap at 6pm! thats why im wide awake now!! hahahaha
Fang mailed me parenthood mag.. damn happy... cause i very she bu de buy the mag... cause its like $5 per copy :( Need to be thrifty cause no income liao... ALso duno where she got the lobang from.. shall check it out with her next time...
Bb Progress:
Kick and kick and kick...
Wakes up at 10am to wake me up with his kicks and turns as usual.. and getting more punctual..
CNY Eve: Went mom house early cause damn tulan with my MIL... cried and cried until i go home.. then help my mom sweep and mop floor and clean cupboard... then wait for Alvin to come and eat reunion... faster head home to rest cause gotta reach mom hse again to help cook...
CNY Day 1: Reach mom place about 7+ and start cooking from 8+ to 11+am... damn shag.... this year still not so bad cause lesser pple come cause 2 families cant come cause their family member passed away recently.. but in total got about 20 pple that came for lunch... suppose to go grandma hse, but i too tired liao, so proceed straight to Alvin uncle plc...
This year, so quiet... i cant even sit long for the poker games... end up i fell asleep on that chair!! haha.. first time i sleep at pple's hse chair.. haha... first thing i woke up, i walk straight to the kitchen to find food.. haha...
Then to Elaine house to play MJ with francis...
CNY Day 2: Slept thru out the day... yawn... then went grandma hse at about 4+pm.. heng no kids there... so my damage cut by a lot! haha... then went to J8 thinking of watching Red Cliff 2.. but left first row seats.. so we had our dinner and head straight to west mall.. no Red Cliff liao.. so watch wedding game... then go home KO-ed
CNY Day 3: Elaine house at 1+ for MJ... haha... WON! but only enough to cover back what i lost on Day 1 :( then just nua-ed for the rest of the day... damn shag...
CNY Day 4: Elaine suddenly jio MJ, Alvin hand also itchy.. so i went over.. i never play much cause i share leg with him.. Almost break even la... but i was damn worn out liao... went home and KO-ed immediately... My stamina getting worse..
CNY Day 5: Met Jill + Bb Ally + Nat at west mall.. pri + sec sch classmate gathering.. for a while, then go home.. took a nap at 6pm! thats why im wide awake now!! hahahaha
Fang mailed me parenthood mag.. damn happy... cause i very she bu de buy the mag... cause its like $5 per copy :( Need to be thrifty cause no income liao... ALso duno where she got the lobang from.. shall check it out with her next time...
Bb Progress:
Kick and kick and kick...
Wakes up at 10am to wake me up with his kicks and turns as usual.. and getting more punctual..
Saturday, January 24, 2009
Cravings to be Accomplished
- Fish & Co's Fish & Chips
- Cafe Cartel Soup + Bread + Cabornara
- Coconut Juice
- Mango
- Jack's Place Potato Munchskins
- Geylang Cha Hokkien Hey Mee
Walking into my 26th week
2 more weeks to go, i will be reaching 7 mths of my pregnancy liao...
right now, besides no money.. i dun wanna worry about a lot of things.. haha... but i hope $$ will roll in in early feb... if not life's gonna be tough.. haha.. i will go 4 horse road to beg liao.. haha...
bb's cool and steady.. besides giving kicks on alvin's face, he starts to show traits of kaypo-ness.. CNY coming liao... i also hope that it faster finish... cause CNY very busy + waste $$... i hope after CNY, everything will shun shun li li... including my delivery...
i hope...
$$ and job will not be a worry for me!
Delivery will be a smooth process!!
Baby will be kuai kuai!!!
Savings will only increase!!!
I will shed all my preg weight!!!
Everything i do is shun shun de!!!
HUAT AH!!!!!!!
right now, besides no money.. i dun wanna worry about a lot of things.. haha... but i hope $$ will roll in in early feb... if not life's gonna be tough.. haha.. i will go 4 horse road to beg liao.. haha...
bb's cool and steady.. besides giving kicks on alvin's face, he starts to show traits of kaypo-ness.. CNY coming liao... i also hope that it faster finish... cause CNY very busy + waste $$... i hope after CNY, everything will shun shun li li... including my delivery...
i hope...
$$ and job will not be a worry for me!
Delivery will be a smooth process!!
Baby will be kuai kuai!!!
Savings will only increase!!!
I will shed all my preg weight!!!
Everything i do is shun shun de!!!
HUAT AH!!!!!!!
Monday, January 19, 2009
Boring + Sleepy!
Woke up at 9+am this morning... Feel that i have a lot of things to do, but dunno when and where to start from... First, i have to go change $$ for ang bao, which im damn broke liao... I hope my comm comes in asap so that i no need to worry about $$!!!!! This year ang bao is shrinking by 50%! haha...
Next i have to go ABN to help my mom settle the Lehman thing.. cause she dunno how to talk to the pple.. i have to make that trip with Alvin on Wed when his off cause i realise i cannot go out ALONE! haha.. either i will feel pek chek, tired or thirsty.. hahaha...
And also make sure Alvin get some NEW clothes for CNY... *faints*.. he jus dilly dally and $$ is getting lesser and lesser... Hope we can do it together on Wednesday cause we have yet to use the taka voucher....
Then i have to call this company to ask for extension... ARGH...
Today's craving is Laksa... I jus start to think of it only.. and its like.. i die also have to eat it... Tmr shall be!
This is the first year i pray hard CNY faster end.... haha... no $$ ma... sibei sian one... I was telling Alvin, next year, we no need to make losses liao! Yay!! I will let Julius wear Ang GONG GONG.. haha... Btw, my family were picking numbers for 4d, then ALvin suggested that we use my tummy (Julius) to give them numbers... haha... First i had to wake baby up in my tummy, then SIL saw my tummy moved.. (they were damn engrossed to make moved, almost forget about the 4d). Knowing my boy is very active, i know he wont disappoint them de...
So.. they pour the numbers (0-9) on my tummy, and picked out 1556... 4 pple bought (SIL,MIL,FIL,me and Alvin)... 1 person strike! Nabei... FIL bought ibet win $200.. Then yesterday we were at Elaine's bb shower ma to help out, then we came home, Alvin jus took a nap.. so we forgot to buy lor... AGAIN OPEN!... lin nabei... FIL win $500 i think... WA LAN!...
I curse and swear man.. but nvm la, bb give me shun shun li li to take my comm next mth can liao... then i got $$ for his delivery.. hahaha...
The laksa is filling my mind now... ARGH~
Next i have to go ABN to help my mom settle the Lehman thing.. cause she dunno how to talk to the pple.. i have to make that trip with Alvin on Wed when his off cause i realise i cannot go out ALONE! haha.. either i will feel pek chek, tired or thirsty.. hahaha...
And also make sure Alvin get some NEW clothes for CNY... *faints*.. he jus dilly dally and $$ is getting lesser and lesser... Hope we can do it together on Wednesday cause we have yet to use the taka voucher....
Then i have to call this company to ask for extension... ARGH...
Today's craving is Laksa... I jus start to think of it only.. and its like.. i die also have to eat it... Tmr shall be!
This is the first year i pray hard CNY faster end.... haha... no $$ ma... sibei sian one... I was telling Alvin, next year, we no need to make losses liao! Yay!! I will let Julius wear Ang GONG GONG.. haha... Btw, my family were picking numbers for 4d, then ALvin suggested that we use my tummy (Julius) to give them numbers... haha... First i had to wake baby up in my tummy, then SIL saw my tummy moved.. (they were damn engrossed to make moved, almost forget about the 4d). Knowing my boy is very active, i know he wont disappoint them de...
So.. they pour the numbers (0-9) on my tummy, and picked out 1556... 4 pple bought (SIL,MIL,FIL,me and Alvin)... 1 person strike! Nabei... FIL bought ibet win $200.. Then yesterday we were at Elaine's bb shower ma to help out, then we came home, Alvin jus took a nap.. so we forgot to buy lor... AGAIN OPEN!... lin nabei... FIL win $500 i think... WA LAN!...
I curse and swear man.. but nvm la, bb give me shun shun li li to take my comm next mth can liao... then i got $$ for his delivery.. hahaha...
The laksa is filling my mind now... ARGH~
Friday, January 16, 2009
Weighing 825g.... Bb Dino!!
Thought today can get the 3D scan, but gynae say not in good position... ?!??! I was talking to bb boy, asking him to open his eyes big big, smile, and dun cover his face like last mth... he did all these.. but cannot take still??? argh~
But anyway, still got a good take of his ultra scan... I had this slight pain at my wrist... but heng, doc say 2 out of 5 preggies get it... its due to water retention, then inflammation of the joints... after delivery, the water retention go down liao, it will naturally recover :)
Doc say bb weight is in its healthy range... his head is below my belly button, legs is near my rib (right)... haha... if u look closely, his legs is folded (machiam we sit on the floor like tat).. Eyes wide open... and his cheeks like very chubby like tat.... haha.... so relax...
but his giving me apain good time with all the lovely punches and kicks... and its getting harder and harder............
But anyway, still got a good take of his ultra scan... I had this slight pain at my wrist... but heng, doc say 2 out of 5 preggies get it... its due to water retention, then inflammation of the joints... after delivery, the water retention go down liao, it will naturally recover :)
Doc say bb weight is in its healthy range... his head is below my belly button, legs is near my rib (right)... haha... if u look closely, his legs is folded (machiam we sit on the floor like tat).. Eyes wide open... and his cheeks like very chubby like tat.... haha.... so relax...
but his giving me a
Saturday, January 10, 2009
Whole Week of EPL inside me...
Baby is getting more and more active... sensitive to sounds too...
This whole week, i watched "In the womb" 3 times liao... haha... very good documentary to watch! You will start to understand why you have cravings, why baby kicks etc... Can watch on youtube somemore...
Damn bloody tired.... i spent 6 hours jus to clear my wardrobe yesterday... and today, my fingers and hands were aching like i jus use my hands to do a jog... plus the sprain on my wrist... made it worse....
My entire body is damn achy now.... didnt enjoy my dinner today cause baby was kicking me the entire day.. feel like puking out man... now my stamina also very jia lat liao... haha.. how to go hk like tat? haha!!
Yay... This coming fri is gynae check up... Pray hard bb will show us his cute face with a smile.. then we can take his 3d pic... :)
Walking into the 24 weeks (6th mth) pregnancy... All excited abt my delivery liao.. hahaha...
This whole week, i watched "In the womb" 3 times liao... haha... very good documentary to watch! You will start to understand why you have cravings, why baby kicks etc... Can watch on youtube somemore...
Damn bloody tired.... i spent 6 hours jus to clear my wardrobe yesterday... and today, my fingers and hands were aching like i jus use my hands to do a jog... plus the sprain on my wrist... made it worse....
My entire body is damn achy now.... didnt enjoy my dinner today cause baby was kicking me the entire day.. feel like puking out man... now my stamina also very jia lat liao... haha.. how to go hk like tat? haha!!
Yay... This coming fri is gynae check up... Pray hard bb will show us his cute face with a smile.. then we can take his 3d pic... :)
Walking into the 24 weeks (6th mth) pregnancy... All excited abt my delivery liao.. hahaha...
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